now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
