Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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