I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
