Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
