she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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