The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
