nut hugger
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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