My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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