he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
