RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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