Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
