im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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