It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
