how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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