I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
