his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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