Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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