I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
