Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
