I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
