My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
