Cold hands, warm shart.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
where are my eyebrows?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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