im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
