I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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