We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
