I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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