and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
