Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
