you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
