I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
