Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
