are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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