the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
