You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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