He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize