I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
