Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
soo... how was my night?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
