i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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