Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
