I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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