I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
