..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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