I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
