Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
