Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
