Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
