Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize