One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
