Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
