You work out of a Hotel?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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