One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
