How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
