Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
