# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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