overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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