I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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