As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize