I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
