Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
