good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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