suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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