So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
