dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
3pm strippers are depressing
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
