You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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