Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
