The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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