you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
