just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
