Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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