Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
