wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When are your genitals available?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
