You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
