When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
