This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
