he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
