Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize