How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
