Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
