did you get engaged???
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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