i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
