Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
