you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
