fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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