Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
