I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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