I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
