i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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