I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
