she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
