worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
