why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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